Maelstrom: Martin's Musings

Verb Decay

Interesting how there is a mathematical relationship between how the more a verb is used, the less likely it will change. Or at least it will change at a much smaller pace. I had not really thought about this as much but if you are going to do document analysis of documents over time, there will be differing degrees to which they will change. You get wedded before you get thinked. When doing values analysis it makes me wonder if nouns change at a similar rate. The article that I linked above suggests that there is a mathematical relationship to the degree to which something decays. Some thing that is used 100 times less frequently will decay or change 10 times as fast. Quite fascinating.

Tags: document analysis, verb, decay

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Meaning and Leadership

I was thinking the other day about how there are so many approaches to leadership. I think the key is for the leader to get some type of meaning from their personal leadership environment. The next is how others get meaning from their interaction. A good leader helps others get more meaning from their experiences. If there is no direct personal connection, I think is done by creating an environment where people are most likely to be successful in the organization while at the same time finding the experience most meaningful. Just some thoughts ... I need to ponder on this a little more. The notion here does not seem to be quite coming together.

Tags: meaning, leadership, values, personal, environment

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Christian music vs. Christian downloaders

I guess the issues of downloading of music is not reserved just for the heathens any more.

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/10/10/christian_music_vs_c.html
Tags: christian, music, downloads, downloading

In the Beginning...

It seems looking into the past can give us some perspective on the future. I guess I might be writing this more for myself than for others. Anyway,  might as well get some of the facts and figures out of the way. Born in London, Ontario, Canada, November 4, 1963 (6 weeks premature) to British parents (dad: English, mom: Welsh). Age: 42 (now, not then). Nearly did not make it, etc.

With parents and younger sister in the Anglican mission field (Father was/is ordained Anglican/Episcopal Priest) in Mexico and Central America until about 4 years old. Came to the US (Los Angeles), moved to Indiana (God only knows why).  Lived in Indiana from about 6 years old to 15 years old. Moved quite a bit until I was in my 20s. Moved to Santa Clara while in high school. I have been in SF Bay Area ever since (Santa Clara, San Jose, and then Napa, CA since 2001).

When we moved to Santa Clara, I ended up going to all boy Bellarmine Prep (High School) in San Jose from 10th to 12th grade (1982). I went to Santa Clara University (where my father taught) -- While I was not very thrilled with Bellarmine, both Bellarmine and SCU were outstanding Jesuit schools. While I started at SCU to get a Computer Science degree, I ended up getting a BA in History degree with a lot of computer science courses (1986). After a few years, I ended up going to San Jose State University (1988) for my MS in Cybernetic Systems (1992) (ironically from the Anthropology and Cybernetic Systems department). About  2 years later, I started a Ph.D. at University of Hull in the UK while living in Napa. In retrospect, maybe not the brightest thing I ever did. I defended in November of 1997, and graduated February of 1998 from the University of Lincolnshire and Humberside. Lincoln School of Management for short. My PhD was essentially in Systems Thinking and Human Values.

I got married in September of 1986 (for an update on this, see here). Worked in the tech industry in various roles for a long while (largely until I started on the PhD). Some of the places were: Olivetti ATC, Sun Microsystems, Frame Technology, Verity, Autodesk, IDG (technology writer). I was also starting to do a little OD (organizational development) and that eventually led to me doing the doctorate. My father is an expert in human values, and I worked with him at various times over the years. In 1994, we started Values Technology which has been seriously up and down over the last twelve years (I am not currently working for VT). Since I was technology savvy, and a growing expert in the area of values, I consulted and also steered the technology development. When I was not working on the technology I designed large scale interventions for values-based OD. The last time I left I was considered chief architect (bridging technology and values). I still advise my dad and company. Other than this stuff, I have taught at the post graduate level -- mostly in the area of leadership development.

Systems thinking and values, two areas, that other than history and technology, have fascinated me. I might add document analysis, but that really is an offshoot of the others. Since high school I had been fascinated by the ways in which values and meaning could be pulled from documents. Metaxio is a current attempt to make this more accessible to others.

In 1999 and 2001, my wife and I had a boy and twin girls -- as with most fathers, they are my pride and joy.

Well, that is probably enough for this entry. It sets up the entries to follow ;-). I am hoping there is a point to all of this!

Tags: martin, doc, docmartin, life, values, systems, systems thinking, history, tech, technology

Can It Really Be a Disease?!?

Health, for the most part, has not been a major problem for me. But there have been some significant markers. The one that I think most people do not understand and for which I am only just figuring out myself is the disease of depression. I do not want to suggest that everyone that has been depressed is suffering from a disease. I think it is a lot like alcoholism, not everyone that drinks is an alcoholic, but there are definitely alcoholics and if they are to function they need to manage the disease. Depression manifests itself in much the same way. From what I understand, clinically if one has at least three major episodes of depression they are considered to have the disease. I certainly qualify on that count.

Treating the disease is not straight forward, either. Taken to the extremes, psychiatrists and other MDs want to prescribe drugs, and psychologists feel that it is more of behavioral thing and that it can be shifted through therapy. Different things work for different people, but to me it seems that it tends to be a combination of both. I find that I can get depressed when things are otherwise OK, but it can increase if there are negative situational factors in the environment.

Depression is in much the same way. I am not sure that all doctors even see depression as a disease. But if you look into the pathology of it, you start to see that it is. Depression is, for many people, the moody teenager that will grow out of it;  the temperamental artist that must suffer for their art, etc. These characterizations can often deflect the insidious nature of the beast. Jeffrey Kramer, in the book, Against Depression, helped me to see this as a disease and the pathology behind it. The funny thing is that as you see it as a disease it becomes a little easier to treat. In some ways it takes away some of the stigma. I probably do not need to go through the litany of problems that plague a person suffering from depression: wrecked marriages, relationships, suicide, problems with jobs (getting and keeping them), drugs and alcohol, on and on. Marriage, job problems, self esteem and to some degree alcohol seem to be my issues. I would say that from an outward perspective that I cope with it reasonably well. It is the profound sense of wanting to hide from the world that really hits me.

It sneaks up on you and those around you. And it comes up in places that you do not understand, or would not expect. You suppress it one place, it comes out another.

I grew up as a PK (Preacher's/Priest's Kid). My father was/is an Episcopal (every where except the US they are considered Anglican) priest. For this and other reasons, we moved quite a bit. Being a PK is a little like being an Army brat, but different. They tend to be wild or quiet, conforming or not. I was kind of the quiet, non-conforming type. Being a little bit of a smart alec did not help either.

It seems that PKs that move around quite a bit, particularly quiet, non-conforming types, fitting in and getting friends did not seem to help much. When I did get friends we would move away. I know that is one of the most painful issues of my separation and impending divorce from my wife is that while we were working on it, we let relationships with good friends atrophy.

It seems that from a fairly young age, I was getting setup for anxiety and depression. In hindsight, I go back and forth on the nature versus nurture. There are definitely some behavioral things that occurred, but I am also of the belief that brain chemistry plays a role. They say that anxiety and depression often have genetic roots. My father is a psychologist, so he essentially does not seem to agree, but I see much of the behavior that I have also in his.

I guess that net issue is that I suffer from depression, and that it is relating to where I am now.

Tags: personal, depression, disease, pathology, genetics, nature, nurture, brain

The Bible doesn't say Christian couples can't enjoy sex or sex-tech

I think that the above title pretty much says it all -- But it is not a lurid message in the least. Pastor Joe Beam of Family Dynamics is trying to point out that it is not a sin in a loving Christian marriage to have and enjoy sex. He backs up his message with book, chapter and verse in the bible. Much of his audiences are married conservative Christians. 

There seemed to be a sense that he was giving a sense of relief to those who might already be having sex, and feeling guilty; or permission to those that feel it might be a sin but are interested. He is not giving or suggesting carte blanche, and lays out some rules that basically must be followed -- no one can get hurt, between married couples, no animals, etc. Does not believe that pornography and to a lesser extent masturbation should play any significant role if at all in the sexual relationship even if done together.

Before I read the article I was thinking that it might be someone on the fringe trying to come to get out a sex positive message. This is sex positive but it is also not a fringe perspective. The audience definitely was not.

This obviously deals with adult themes so be warned before looking at the videos of this talks and interview. Article and video on MSNBC. Article and video on Wired.

Tags: sex, conservative, conservatism, morality, marriage, relationships

Bittersweet

Today is Wednesday was a little bittersweet. It was my 20th wedding anniversary. My wife and I are headed towards divorce (and have been separated for over 2 years). We have managed to keep things relatively good. And I think that it is a little more than just doing it for the kids. I think there is an underlying compassion that has not been there for a while. Since the relationship is not going back towards marriage it is transforming into something else.

I hope that we will become better friends since that was the way we started. The last year or so, we have managed to keep it positive. And have been communicating quite a bit. Ironically, we have spoken and e-mailed each other quite a bit this week. Ostensibly because of the kids. The kids started school last week. Though I think there has been a little bit of reflection also. It is kind of funny, we have managed for the most part to have a kind of split kind of relationship. We relate reasonably well, and at the same time do not bring up the legal stuff, and try to (within reason) leave it up to the lawyers. I am hopeful for the future as our relationship grows in a different direction. Onward and upward!

Some Beginning Threads

As is suggested in my Bio, I am a single father of three kids (Grant, Rachel, Paige), two dogs (Scruffy, Sakima) and a kitten (Simba). I live in Napa, California (USA). I have a girlfriend of two years, Svea. This, I suppose,  is the beginning of one strand.

Maybe this will be the beginning of getting some clarity or meaning in my life. Maybe it will also help me identify what my faith or spiritual journey is or is going to be. A strong "faith" has not been a major or even minor part of my life. I would say that I am not without questions and desire for something as yet undefined. However, I would say that I am a "spiritual" person, but it is difficult to build a community with others in this area if one cannot easily define themselves in relation or context with others.

I find myself looking for and needing a sense of community, and it does not seem to be popping up in other areas. Work, kids, even external family. Exploring faith is a place where people of different backgrounds can come together and explore and hopefully add meaning in their lives. I see my meaning coming from more than a faith focus. But this seems to be one area that is calling to me.

I am trying to be careful not to talk about religion. While that is an obvious subtext to the above, I have had some mixed experiences relative to organized or institutional religion. I find that adding that view just gives me too many reasons to abort exploration. Having a love of history that includes some of the actions taken in the name of religion is enough to make many people do an about face. At the same time, it is difficult for me to deal with people that have unquestioning faith. Faith for me is about a journey. Someone that blindly walks the path is just as easy to veer from it. Checking for directions seems to me to be a good thing.

Tags: faith, meaning, values, family, religion, spirituality

Strands of Understanding or Clarity?!?

It is funny. I guess I see my life, or maybe even just points in life and how you get there as strands or threads such as with a string or a rope. They hopefully come together in a way than can keep us a little stronger. Whatever that means. (Side Note: It seems a little odd that I would start this in the anniversary of 9/11.)

I find myself now in a very trying place in my life. I am in a place that in many ways I could never have imagined. Now seems to be a good time to examine those strands. I feel that if I lay myself bare for a bit, that I might be able to bring the strands together in a meaningful manner. And hopefully a little stronger.

I feel that I might be able to get some meaning or maybe at least make some sense so that I can move on. I believe that people often are in places that make one feel stuck or in rut. What I am talking about is much more than that. It is different strands unraveling at the same time. I believe that I am in this place to learn from it, and that it is not all negative.

I think that getting it out on paper (or at least on a blog ;-)), I might be able to make more sense of it. I tend to have a problem with the victim mentality that society seems to find itself in too easily at the moment. But boy, there is a part of me that feels I am experiencing a type of self victimization. However, I like to subscribe to the notion of critical self reflection (CSR) which for me might keep from this path. I think it difficult for the victim to learn from the events that put them there. It is the taking responsibility and gaining insights from the events that makes us stronger.

Tags: faith, strands, CSR, critical self reflection, religion, spirituality, meaning

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger!"

'Bones' and Faith

I would say that in many ways that my approach to faith has been a lot like that of Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brenning on the Fox TV Show, Bones. (Bones is a forensic anthropologist on loan to the FBI for certain cases.) If it is not logical or tangible, then it must not be 'real'. She and her brother were orphaned at a young age (or so they thought). But it turns out they were not, and that her mother's remains are found. And it is likely that they (the parents) were on the run in some fashion. So fast forward a few episodes and (unrelated to the story line) she is brought by one of the other characters (Seely Booth) to the grave site. She is awkward and her clinical nature gets in the way. But ultimately she begins to ask some of the questions to which she wanted the answers.

Without going into my fascination into these types of shows (CSI(s), House, Bones, etc.) I think this almost clinical approach to religion has crept up from past. I am a 'PK' (or preacher's/priest's kid) -- there is some similarity between PKs and Army Brats. (My father's an Episcopal/Anglican priest.) As the generalization goes, usually you either end-up cynical, or religious; wild or quiet, etc. I kind of went the cynical and quiet route. I suppose if this type was actually act out too much they would. It does not allow you to get to sprititual or faith bound for a good part of your life. But as soon as add this idea of spritual there seems to let in the idea iof god some other supreme being. The logic side takes a lot of time debunking all the possibilities. It creates conflict. I think that I am going through this conflict at the moment.

Tags: csi, fox, bones, faith, religious, spiritual