Maelstrom: Martin's Musings

Is Trust Perverted?

I am going to be looking at how values and language can impact how we interact. Particularly on the Internet. All is not what it seems.

Trust has become more about transaction than is has become about anything else. Social media is definitely looking at this a little. And some forms are showing promise. But on the internet it is all too often being treated as a transaction. It is about “trusting” the transaction. But trust is relational, not transactional. Tokens are exchanged after the relationship reaches trust, not (usually) as a way of establishing it.

“Hacker Safe” or “Trust Verified” (these are meant to be fictional and are not in anyway meant to disparage any people / products / processes real or imagined) are taking the place of what trust is, or at least has meant to be. Products that give confidence in a transaction are absolutely important particularly in this day and age. (I spent a few hours the other day researching PGP and RSA security issues for a potential project.) But this is still not trust. It is more about secure transactions.

Trust in the online world is a notion of security, particularly security in the transaction. And yes, you want to feel secure in the ability to make transactions with someone you trust. But trust is really about something more. It is a higher level concept that is being reduced to a sound bite or something that is easily consumed.

Let’s use a definition here where we could attach the name of Trust:

the capacity to actively and accurately hear another's thoughts and feelings and to express one's own thoughts and feelings in a climate of mutual confidence in each other's integrity.

All too often this is not what I am experiencing when trust is being used relative to a relationship in the online environment (this by no means is restricting this discussion to the internet). Adding the concept of integrity, a possible “Trust” equation might look like:

trust == security + transactions + integrity + reputation + ???

This equation is at least a start. Trust definitely needs to be more than security. Trust assumes that there is a transfer of values. And that there is a minimum amount of commonality. Certain types of interactions in certain types of environments will allow one to identify some commonality with the other. Talking, enjoying activities or even networking can help with this. While this does not ensure trust, it creates the likelihood that a person will take a leap and take the relationship to another level.

Trust is about exchanging tokens or symbols and that there is a belief in the in the veracity of them. The words that we say, the behavior or actions we engage in go along way to establishing values and faith. All too often there are substitutes meant to the take the place of establishing trust. This is where the (potential) perversion comes in. There is a sense of faith that comes with trust. Apparent sincerity during a transaction does not replace the extended equation.

trust == security + transactions + integrity + reputation + faith?!?!?

Amazing how the security industry is growing in leaps and bounds, just ensuring that parts of the equation is working is half the battle. In many ways it is sad because there is a large industry that exists just to ensure that a basic building block of trust. But a very difficult one. Phishing and junk mail scams prey upon the fact that for a long time e-mail messages had a sense of authenticity that went along with them (and presumably the people sending them).

And to enough people that is still there (trust in e-mail, etc). Since we are using this dummied down version of trust, it is easier for people to fall for these activities. Many people are looking for the higher level of trust in which they have experienced in their lives, and get fooled when presented with something that looks like trust but is only partially there. The worst part of it, is that it the perversion of trust often preys on people that have lived their life where faith in relationships as a big part of trust. It has taken a rather authenticate form of communication and made it inauthentic. Those that had a high level of trust in people in the classic sense, become jaded. This is where much of the perversion comes in.

One thing about all this that I want to explore is how we can work on trust, and values and still create an environment where faith plays an integral part. Remembering to look at all parts of the definition is part of it. We want so badly to trust and make a connection that we we short circuit looking at the all the components that make up trust.

Trust is not perverted it is the people that prey on it that are. Revisiting the basics will help us to maintain some faith while protecting ourselves.

Technorati Tags:
social, trust, faith, security,, relationship, integrity,, transaction

Can Microblogging Cause a Shift?

It seems that there is a mini-storm, particularly in Social Media circles in the area of microblogging. Microblogging is essentially small updates for readers that fit in a relatively short space (read: words or characters). Twitter, Pownce, Plaxo and Facebook are all examples of microblogging platforms or have them as part of their web app or service. One might say, "why don't I just have a lot of short posts". And one could do this. However, micorblogs offer something more, a kind of community where one can interact with friends, etc. I would liken it to a town square or maybe coffee house or diner. You may run into people you know or strike up a conversation. And people may drift in and out. It is not IM, but you can do it from anywhere -- yet it is dynamic. It is a unique way for people to transmit their values in real time. And to a group of people...Maybe you could think of it as a mob values aggregator!

Places I have Lived

• Canada:
  • London, Ontario, Canada
• Mexico and Central America
  • San Jose, Costa Rica
  • Cueranavaca & Mexico City, Mexico
  • San Salvador, El Salvador
• US:
  • Pomona (Los Angeles), CA
  • Crown Point, IN
  • Indianapolis, IN
  • Brown County (Unionville), IN
  • Santa Clara, CA
  • San Jose, CA
  • Napa, CA

Tags: central, south, america, us, san jose, costa rica, el salvador, san salavador, mexico city, london, ontario, california, napa, santa clara, indianapolis, travel, live

The Bible doesn't say Christian couples can't enjoy sex or sex-tech

I think that the above title pretty much says it all -- But it is not a lurid message in the least. Pastor Joe Beam of Family Dynamics is trying to point out that it is not a sin in a loving Christian marriage to have and enjoy sex. He backs up his message with book, chapter and verse in the bible. Much of his audiences are married conservative Christians. 

There seemed to be a sense that he was giving a sense of relief to those who might already be having sex, and feeling guilty; or permission to those that feel it might be a sin but are interested. He is not giving or suggesting carte blanche, and lays out some rules that basically must be followed -- no one can get hurt, between married couples, no animals, etc. Does not believe that pornography and to a lesser extent masturbation should play any significant role if at all in the sexual relationship even if done together.

Before I read the article I was thinking that it might be someone on the fringe trying to come to get out a sex positive message. This is sex positive but it is also not a fringe perspective. The audience definitely was not.

This obviously deals with adult themes so be warned before looking at the videos of this talks and interview. Article and video on MSNBC. Article and video on Wired.

Tags: sex, conservative, conservatism, morality, marriage, relationships

Bittersweet

Today is Wednesday was a little bittersweet. It was my 20th wedding anniversary. My wife and I are headed towards divorce (and have been separated for over 2 years). We have managed to keep things relatively good. And I think that it is a little more than just doing it for the kids. I think there is an underlying compassion that has not been there for a while. Since the relationship is not going back towards marriage it is transforming into something else.

I hope that we will become better friends since that was the way we started. The last year or so, we have managed to keep it positive. And have been communicating quite a bit. Ironically, we have spoken and e-mailed each other quite a bit this week. Ostensibly because of the kids. The kids started school last week. Though I think there has been a little bit of reflection also. It is kind of funny, we have managed for the most part to have a kind of split kind of relationship. We relate reasonably well, and at the same time do not bring up the legal stuff, and try to (within reason) leave it up to the lawyers. I am hopeful for the future as our relationship grows in a different direction. Onward and upward!

Some Beginning Threads

As is suggested in my Bio, I am a single father of three kids (Grant, Rachel, Paige), two dogs (Scruffy, Sakima) and a kitten (Simba). I live in Napa, California (USA). I have a girlfriend of two years, Svea. This, I suppose,  is the beginning of one strand.

Maybe this will be the beginning of getting some clarity or meaning in my life. Maybe it will also help me identify what my faith or spiritual journey is or is going to be. A strong "faith" has not been a major or even minor part of my life. I would say that I am not without questions and desire for something as yet undefined. However, I would say that I am a "spiritual" person, but it is difficult to build a community with others in this area if one cannot easily define themselves in relation or context with others.

I find myself looking for and needing a sense of community, and it does not seem to be popping up in other areas. Work, kids, even external family. Exploring faith is a place where people of different backgrounds can come together and explore and hopefully add meaning in their lives. I see my meaning coming from more than a faith focus. But this seems to be one area that is calling to me.

I am trying to be careful not to talk about religion. While that is an obvious subtext to the above, I have had some mixed experiences relative to organized or institutional religion. I find that adding that view just gives me too many reasons to abort exploration. Having a love of history that includes some of the actions taken in the name of religion is enough to make many people do an about face. At the same time, it is difficult for me to deal with people that have unquestioning faith. Faith for me is about a journey. Someone that blindly walks the path is just as easy to veer from it. Checking for directions seems to me to be a good thing.

Tags: faith, meaning, values, family, religion, spirituality

'Bones' and Faith

I would say that in many ways that my approach to faith has been a lot like that of Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brenning on the Fox TV Show, Bones. (Bones is a forensic anthropologist on loan to the FBI for certain cases.) If it is not logical or tangible, then it must not be 'real'. She and her brother were orphaned at a young age (or so they thought). But it turns out they were not, and that her mother's remains are found. And it is likely that they (the parents) were on the run in some fashion. So fast forward a few episodes and (unrelated to the story line) she is brought by one of the other characters (Seely Booth) to the grave site. She is awkward and her clinical nature gets in the way. But ultimately she begins to ask some of the questions to which she wanted the answers.

Without going into my fascination into these types of shows (CSI(s), House, Bones, etc.) I think this almost clinical approach to religion has crept up from past. I am a 'PK' (or preacher's/priest's kid) -- there is some similarity between PKs and Army Brats. (My father's an Episcopal/Anglican priest.) As the generalization goes, usually you either end-up cynical, or religious; wild or quiet, etc. I kind of went the cynical and quiet route. I suppose if this type was actually act out too much they would. It does not allow you to get to sprititual or faith bound for a good part of your life. But as soon as add this idea of spritual there seems to let in the idea iof god some other supreme being. The logic side takes a lot of time debunking all the possibilities. It creates conflict. I think that I am going through this conflict at the moment.

Tags: csi, fox, bones, faith, religious, spiritual